Farnumville

Cousin John Paul & Ava Cousin Will & Ava (with Clare peering over to see her too):

Nana w/ the girls: Clare finally getting her chance:

In honor of Cinco de Mayo, Amanda and I were surprised to hear today that we're having Quintuplets!! What a miracle! (More importantly a bold-faced lie).

Amanda and I DID go to the doctor today so I could break the news to Amanda that I actually walked down the aisle with our OB before I did with Amanda. Sure, it was at my sister's wedding 13 years ago, but nonetheless it was a magical and confusing time in both our lives. C'est la vie.

Actually, Dr. Nash was everything we hoped for and her nurse Rachel put us both at ease with her conversational demeanor and professionalism. Our last nurse at our original OB told us, "here's a bag of junk, you might want to look through it." That first impression, although endearing, didn't give us much confidence. We were relieved to be around such a caring environment.

After all the preliminary conversations were over Amanda was led to another room and told by Dr. Nash to take off all her clothes from the waist down. Door closed and clothes started flying. This was the first time in my life I understood why people choose to be doctors. Years of schooling and testing that all lead to a moment when you can unabashedly ask someone to remove their clothing and they don't have a whiff of hesitation. That my friends is power.

Obviously psychiatrists must hold some malcontent to their colleagues. I mean people get naked on a whim with other doctors. If your shrink walked in and said, "please lie down on the couch and take off your shirt" it should give you pause for concern. I would recommend verifying they are one of the in-network doctors on your insurance plan. You may also want to check their degree to see if it was created in Microsoft Word. Of course, there is some recompense, psychiatrists get to handle drugs and sit on couches all day.

I stood at my wife's side while watching Dr. Nash do...well...whatever OB/GYN's do...murmuring to myself "Thank you God for making me a boy" That's when we finally got to see our little peanut again. Heart beat was strong and we even saw baby Farnum squirm a little bit. Obviously the baby knew it was being watched. It's not even born and it's been on TV twice! Plus, it's now being debuted to cyberspace! ENJOY!



Dr. Nash was kind enough to label the picture so no one is fooled by confusing it's bum for it's head. No one likes being called a butt-head even if they haven't formed ears yet.

Hello world,

As some of you may have found out from phone calls, e-mails and/or carrier pigeon's the population of our home just found out a new citizen will be arriving in the fall.

His/her name has not been decided but they are expected to arrive in December. Just in time for the census bureau to finish their annual audit.

The news arrived on an idle Thursday with a present wrapped in tissue paper on the coffee table...the positive pregnancy test and a tear-filled wife. (to clarify, only the pregnancy test was in the tissue paper, my wife wouldn't fit...not that's she's fat, I mean she will added necessary weight during the pregnancy...I'll stop now.)

A feeling washed over me that I never thought would be present in this moment I didn't expect. Peace. The first time I was told I might become a father it was a month into my marriage. My eyes filled with fright, my wallet clinching to the last remaining dollar it had. This time around I was absolutely elated (of course my wallet may need some coaxing to get excited).

Simply put, parenthood isn't something you pick up at the store. You work hard to prepare your life to encompass another one. You build a career, nestle into a home and learn what partnership is all about with the person that can stand to be around you for more than an hour at a time.

We visited the OB and after a few moments she asked us, "Do you see that small flicker on the screen...that's the heartbeat..." My breath stopped, my hand clinched my wife's and in my mind I could only think- Hello love.


I promise this new civilization and associated blog etchings won't be your typical blog. I'll add in my fair share of political musings and whimsical idioms to keep your interest at full peak.

Speaking of fatherhood, anyone know what to do first?

I've all but left my blogging behind and for that I'm sorry. It's enjoyable and I truly love writing, but after working 14 hours in front of TWO monitors, the thought of staring at the LCD pixels another minute is less than desired.

There is only one person that still checks this quasi-blog and for that, I'm thankful. She's my muse and my friend...she's my wife.

3 years since that eventful and inspired day I recall the memories that have yet to fade.

26. Watching my grandfather dance with my sister and my wife. He was the smoothest operator in the room.


25. Samantha's serenade during our first dance - her version of the song is still the best.
24. Karl and Sam having their first dance (again) with the wrong song (again)- classic.
23. My mother's head on my shoulder dancing like it was 4-H Roundup 1998.

22. Kevin's hand on my shoulder whispering the prayers of hope for our new family.
21. JP wearing a tux and never smiling b/c he was sick. He never complained and he was there for his uncle and new aunt- thanks for taking one for the team JP.

20. Will LOVING his dinosaur watch but HATING his vest.

19. Hearing the violin play the wrong Eucharistic song before the wedding in practice and not being able to leave the room to tell them b/c I was afraid Amanda would be out there too.
18. Donna Bell smiling
17. Father Andy telling us to be naked.
16. Crying in the car to pick up Rob and knowing I would be dehydrated by noon. Still can't believe the body has that much water in it.
15. Hearing Amanda say during the ceremony she should have never eaten those Fritos and I knew exactly what was wrong.
14. Seeing my sister and it felt like the summer of 96, except I was the one at the altar.
13. Stopping in stunned silence at the painting from Karl...I still find myself staring at that painting.
12. My father fixing my tie just like he's done a 100 times before.
11. Standing beside my new bride as we told our family, "The Body of Christ"
10. Hearing that awful song while we cut our cake and not caring b/c it was hilarious.
9. That contagious smile on Kevin's face- only seen when he wasn't crying.

8. My wife falling down the stairs as we left the reception.

7. Driving around downtown and trying not to fall asleep.
6. Having anything we wanted from room service and ordering chicken tenders and a burger.
5. Amanda trying not to panic b/c she couldn't find her wedding ring the next day.
4. Opening my wife's gift to me before the ceremony. It wasn't bought online and it didn't cost a dime. It was the most precious gift God had given my bride.
3. The silence of prayer that I forced myself to take before it all started. Our marriage couple told us to do this and I listened to the advice...best advice I could have been given.
2. Breaking the first promise as a married man. Putting cake on her face. She still hasn't forgiven me. I'm ok with that.
1. Seeing my bride-to-be walking down the isle. Someday my mind will fail and I will forget many things of my youth, but if there was ever a moment in my life I want to keep forever, it's this one.

Happy Anniversary my love. You still fall, I still cry- we still dance like there's no one around.

This week my lovely bride and her family (brother, sister, mother and father - in laws) are galavanting off to lovely Winter Park Colorado. I PROMISE to have plenty of pics and even video from our ski trip.

Have a Merry Christmas!

America's favorite gerontological game has received a makeover, Wally World style. Fire up your 1991 Honda Civic, strip your baby down to diapers only (preferably filled), give them a Coke and hit your local Wal-Mart @ 2am for some good ol' American BINGO!

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO OPEN

From the dawn of America's birth and our revolt against British tyranny our boys/girls have been fighting for our freedom.

Our fathers and brothers before us fought for states rights and freedom for those persons whose skin was "different". They broke the chains of oppression in central Europe and liberated the prisoners of Nazi death camps. They freed children from the chains of communism and they were put in harms way in Korea and Vietnam for wars that old men started and young men were forced to finish.

My family has a long history of military service (from being shot-down in WWII across enemy lines to sitting in the rice fields of guerilla warfare in Vietnam). I find myself battling against regret as I know my life has never been put in harm's way to protect lady Liberty.

As a new president takes the reigns of our fragile country I offer him one plea. Bring our boys home. I'm not a hippie and I'm surely not one to shy away from doing the right thing especially when it's unpopular. I scoffed at Cindy Sheehan and I pulled the lever for W on both occassions but I find myself struggling to find an answer for the mother that would've given anything to reach across the ocean and hold her son one last time.

I'm struggling to find a reason for building up other nations while ours is being dismantled. I'm curious why our constitution is a punchline. Why have our politicians from red to blue not connected the dots between a 400 billion dollar war to our struggling economy? Call it blowback, call it poor-planning, call it revenging daddy's name but don't call it a war of freedom.

On two occassions today I have been overwhelmed by the sacrifice our men and women have offered for our country. I'm ashamed and hurt that fathers will never get to hold their new born baby. I'm humbled by the sister and brother that cry themselves to sleep in a hole they use for a bed in the middle of the desert. I'm saddened for the Colonel that orders his fellow soldiers into harm's way knowing in a few short years his little boy may grow up to fight on the same streets.

To all veterans around the world I offer my prayers for you and your safety.

To the neo-conservatives and bleeding heart liberals I ask for a solution that transcends our pride and party.

To all those politicans, generals and pundits that discuss and decide where each man and woman will be stationed in our defense I offer one last statement.

Station them in the one place we need them the most...home.

watch this Thriller-themed video...awesome.



since you know me, I have to post the story behind the story. Learn about the inmates that put on the show.

want to waste some time? find out about the exciting life of...me.


1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Daniel = Old Testament / Mark= New Testament / Farnum= Texas Testament
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I choked up a bit when Dr. Pratt died on ER. I'm not too proud.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Sure – but I like typing in calligraphy.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Cajun Roast Beef (HEB – b/c I'm not as rich as some people who buy the Boar's Head "look at me" meat)
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Yes, Buster B. Farnum. He's 2 years old and he is very advanced for his age. He started walking at 2 weeks. Beat that.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
No, because I'd be another person. I would no longer exist. Trick question.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Nope
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes. I'm genetically perfect. See answer above.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I have and I will do it again. Then I'll skydive. Then I'll do both at the same time.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Honey Bunches of Oats. Never mix them. Never.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
If they have laces, I try to take the time. If they don't have laces then I usually leave them tied. Otherwise it's too difficult.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
I'm a freakin beast. See question #7 for clarification
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Cookies & Cream.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their smile and how it pales in comparison to my roommates smile.15. RED OR PINK?Blue. Is this a communist country? Why do I only have TWO choices? Mainstream media questionnaires suck! Vote for a 3rd color.
15. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
How humble I am. It's really tough being this perfect AND having a sense of humility. See question #7 for clarification
16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Mawmaw Donna Bell. I miss the way she made my family smile.
17. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Negro. It mean black in Spanish…racist.
18. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
I'm drinking coffee…does that count?
19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
My fingers slapping the keyboard
21. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
White. Because like me, it's always there but no one knows what to do with it.
22. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Vanilla. Fresh tennis balls. Golf course around 8am.
23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
A lady in Alabama who I needed some information from to approve her for a home.
24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Football. The American kind. Not the fake European kind.27. Hair Color?Receding brown.28. 25. 25. EYE COLOR?
s**t brown
26. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Again, I'm genetically perfect. Start taking notes. I'm tired of repeating myself.
27. FAVORITE FOOD?
Anything from Z Tejas. Or, just good ol' fashioned home cooking.
28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Scary movies. I need to find someone to watch these movies with. My roommate is a little girl about these movies. Wait…she is a girl. Duh.
29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Burn After Reading and the beginning of Days of Thunder before my wife made me change it.
30. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
This question really crosses the line. Favorite ice cream, name, date of birth, social security number- those questions I can answer. But this goes too far.
31. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter. Winter. Winter. It matches my deeply tanned skin color. Can anyone say SKI TRIP!!??
32. HUGS OR KISSES?
Kisses from my wife. Side hugs for our youth group (Ethics & Integrity). Kisses from my family, ON THE CHEEK. Kisses on the mouth from my nephews and nieces is NOT ok for me.
33. FAVORITE DESSERT?
My wife. Too far? Sorry.
How about we just go with a Dutch Apple Pie that my sister makes.
34. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Jesus. If he's not the answer then I don't want to be right. See questions #7 for clarification.
35. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Daniel. Because he no longer exists. See question #6 for clarification.
36. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
The "MRI". FHA guidelines for mortgage lending. Can't wait to see how it ends!
37. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Germs?
38. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Monday Night Football. Then my wife turned on "Jack and Jill plus thrill equals 9" and I abruptly fell asleep.
39. FAVORITE SOUND?
My wife laughing. The golf ball hitting the bottom of the cup (that one was inspired by my wife). The "Hallelujah" before the Gospel reading during mass.
40. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
You pinko-commie! Two choices again? Really?? Let's just say Elvis and pretend this never happened. Vote 3rd musician!
41. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
It was November 2004. I didn't know my future wife yet. Home is where the heart is, right?!
42. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I have random things I do. (none are exactly special). Let's just say I can diffuse any situation.
43. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
In a hospital. My parents aren't hippies.

*If you've read this far, you really need to get a hobby.

Hey Time Warner! Hey LIN Broadcasting! Do you like apples?...I said, do you like apples?

How 'bout these apples...


That's right, I got the KXAN signal with a pair of rabbit ears from Radio Shack. (the last ones in the store, I might add). I'm glad I'm paying $150 to get your signal and not getting the ONE channel I actually want. Do I really need a block of Spanish programming or 13 home shopping channels?

I watched The Office, SNL & ER in spite of your efforts to ruin my life.

Take a deep humidified breathe and enjoy this 3-day weekend. After this weekend the real craziness starts. Autumn is almost underway and that means plenty of organizations are "kicking off" their fall festivities.


College football season started last night and I've already drafted my NFL fantasy football team...and yes, fantasy football means grown mean pretend to be athletes in a far away land hoping Mr. Frodo won't lose the ring that binds us all.

My wife says during football season I become a different person. I agreed, as I sat naked in the living room floor only wearing a helmet and screaming TACKLE, TACKLE!! If that's different then I don't want to be normal.

By the way, did you hear a guy named Obahama (sp?) has accepted the democratic nominee bid for president? didn't see that coming. The last two months I've been waiting with bated breathe to see who would actually accept the nomination...glad that's been settled.

So clean out the DVR with re-runs from the summer, shake off the Olympics, prepare for presidential propagan...er, debates 08, and let's kickoff the Fallapalooza!

As most of you know I've got quite an addiction to the fairways and greens in the Texas Hill Country, (unfortunately the rough and sand traps tend to have an addiction to me). My wife has officially became an "enabler" and become quite the "Fairway Fox" these last few months.

Can a woman look any more beautiful than this?

What's even more impressive is that she's drinking beer on the course and uses four-letter words when necessary...all requirements of playing this beautiful game.

Of course I must give credit where it is due. My father has indulged our addiction and taken us out on many occasions to the green pastures that surround his home in South Austin. I still don't know how he is able to come home after work and see a fairway out of his living room window and still be able to sleep. If it was me I'd end up being a golf addict AND insomniac.

Thanks Dad for always having a good time on the course with your "younger son" and "show pony"!

just wanted to share a song on the radio that is stuck in my head. It's got a pretty catchy tune. If you want to sing along, here you go!

Amanda's family trekked to the Falls of Wichita to enjoy some bike riding in a HUGE event where over 10,000 participants enjoyed some sore-butted 2 wheeled excitment. (hopefully I can get some pictures to post...not of sore rear ends, but the actual trip). During their journey we were put on dog-sitting patrol for their daschunds Tracker (the fat one) and Austin (the black/tan). Our puppy, Buster, was more than eager to accomodate them. Always the gracious host, he did his best at teaching them how to use the doggie door (shown above).

The first night was a long night. Lots of barking and puppy playing kept everyone up most the night but by the 2nd night everyone had found their place. Trying to wrangle the dogs for a picture is harder than getting four kids under the age of 6 to sit still for a family picture, (trust me, I have done both). Our doggie door was a mystery wrapped in a riddle for Austin and Tracker who were dumbfounded by the contraption. On the last day we attempted a picture and of course, Mr. Barks-a-lot (Tracker) finally took the leap of faith...this is the visual evidence. . The pitter-patter of puppy feet and endless tug-of-war games will definitely be missed. Buster Brown is already asking when they'll be back!

After reading the title of my blog I'm sure many of you have started writing your congressman to complain there is a possible terrorist threat in Central Texas. I know, I know. I'm un-American and they should reserve a spot at Guantanamo for me.

Before I'm locked in the hoosegow, let me pick up my first amendment rights for one last time.

11. Bird's Nest / Water Cube
The 423 MILLION dollar Bird's Nest is as atrociously eye-gouging as it sounds. How about in London they build the Beaver Dam or the Prairie Dog Hole. Sure the Water Cube sounds like a Stanley Kubrick inspired movie but it's actually the place where Michael Phelps has been receiving his mail. Of course the building looks "cool" but that's because YOU won't be cleaning the 5 acres of windows. The Chinese government will have all the silver/bronze and non-medal winning athletes clean them daily instead of killing them for being losers.

10. World Records
I get how exciting it must feel to be a "World-Record" holder. I'm just tired of hearing how DOMINANT a world record was broken when it was broken by fractions of a second. The races are fast and the competition high, but do we need to soil ourselves in excitement when they CRUSH the field by .068 seconds?

9. Gold obsession
Justin Wariner won the silver medal in the...2x4 10W30 or whatever the heck he was in (let's just call a spade a spade...he was running fast) and the announcer instead of congratulating him asked, "What happened out there". Is it more annoying that the guy asking the question was 50lbs overweight and hadn't run since he was 13 OR because he asked why he worked his entire life and came up .40 seconds from the gold medal. We should honestly quit giving out silver/bronze medals. In fact, let's just give out the gold medal and give everyone else green participation ribbons. This way EVERYONE can feel like a loser. Sure you quit your job and have made a career out of running really fast, sorry you were 1/2 a second too slow here's a ribbon...loser.














8. Sports?
Ping-pong, badmitton, rhythmic gymnastics, raceWALKING. Stop it, just stop it. You're embarassing the other quasi-sports and making the WORLD look bad. Sorry baseball, golf and softball you're just too difficult. I'll let the "hobby" sports stay in the games if they are ALL combined. You have to play ping-pong over a badmitton net but never moving more than a walking pace and you have to do it while throwing a ribbon around. What kind of story do you tell your friends if you don't get the gold in "walking"?











7. Chinese gymnasts
You're 13 going on 9 and if you don't beat the Americans your family will probably be tortured.
Give these girls some dolls and put them on a playground. Even though they are the size of a Barbie doll doesn't mean we can use them as toys. Oh, by the way, speaking of gymnastics. YOU'RE NOT A SPORT EITHER! yeah, I said it. And I don't want to hear the paper-thin argument of, "you couldn't do it". I also can't give birth, eat 30 pounds of chicken in one sitting or install weather stripping but that DOESN'T mean it's a sport. Is it fun to watch? Is it difficult? Are the girls mal-nutrioned? To all the above YES. Is it a sport when your crooked pinky toe costs you the gold? NO. Take your ugly sister ice-skating and go home.

6. Time slot
I work all day and I don't want to wait until 11p to finally watch an event that will only last 38 seconds. Sure it's complete 12 hour difference, but they're athletes. Their bodies can endure the physcial toll of getting up early or staying up late. Do they have to review reports, check e-mail or use TPS coversheets? NO! All they have to do is enjoy free stuff from the Olympic Pavillion and do their event. Why can't they do it on my schedule. Selfish, selfish athletes.

5. China
Let me make sure I understand why the IOC chose Beijing. The Olympics embody the human spirit and the identity of culture and competition around the world. Therefore, let's select the country with TERRIBLE human rights violations and a country that only allows you to have one child because it's too inconvenient to have more. How about they only let ONE athlete compete. Baghdad 2016 here we come!

4. Swimmers bathing suits
Pull your pants up. This is disgusting. Hip hugging bathing suits are for supermodels not a guy with a lisp. Knock it off.

3. 4 year waiting period
For 2 months I heard the propaganda..er, advertising for the Olympic games. Is there a reason why we don't watch these sporting events in odd years? It's because if you actually showed these sports every year we'd start asking ourselves, what the hell is water polo? And where are the horses?

2. Advertising/Opening Ceremony
Why does NBC get to choke out the rest of the media from showing footage? Are the games pay-per-view? Did the Fighting Irish start competing for Olympic superiority? All the other stations are forced into showing photos and post-race/game interviews because video must be released solely by NBC. My DVR refuses to record any equestrian events or the above mentioned sports that should/can be played drunk.
I don't care how many fireworks you fake or how many pretty girls lip-sync so we're not forced to watch ugly girls sing, the opening ceremony is PEOPLE WALKING INTO THE STADIUM. If I wanted to know about your country I'd call the President and have him invade it. It's obvious that the Opening Ceremony isn't going anywhere so let's at least make it interesting. Everyone should compete in raceWALKING. Those cocky racewalkers need to be put in their place.

1. You
Quit acting like you care. Stop shaking your head when an announcer tells you someone really "messed that up" for a sport you only watch every four years. Unless someone falls over, breaks something or makes a big splash on a dive you have no idea what "technique mistakes" they've made. If you were really an Olympic fan you'd turn off your TV and start training for London 2012. I hear if you walk really fast you have a shot at gold!

I know it's premature to issue such a bold statement with 96 degree temps looming in the next few days but this dusting of rain sure is a welcome break.

Every season it seems like Easter hits and then suddenly it's back-sweatingly hot. Then just when your pale skin turns pink you're sliding on the ill-fitting sweater that you're not sure if you washed before putting it away last spring. No? just me?

Much like Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy. I'm declaring today the END OF SUMMER!

Central Texas was teased for weeks by meterologists "predicting" a torrent of water to drench the hill country. We instead got two extra clouds and a blanket of humidity to quench our thirst for precipitation. 5 degrees higher in the humidity index! Thanks Jim Spencer! Today the temperatures have dropped into the upper-80's and I washed my car so I know it's time for some rain.

Tomorrow I'll start dusting off my long socks, stretching out my long sleeved t-shirts and hunkering down for a sub-70 south Texas winter. Anyone have some spare snow tires?

I started last weekend with a bit of bad news. After prepping myself and thoroughly promoting my much anticipated skydive attempt* I got online to call the skydive facility to set-up my "jump". This is the message directly from their once active website: Sorry for the inconvenience, but Capitol Skydiving is temporarily closed.

Still not quite sure what happened. Fuel costs too high? Weather too hot? Not enough idiots jumping out of planes? None of them are as plausible as my wife calling them to threaten them within an inch of their lives.

*remember when I said "much anticipated" attempt. I needed to mention my wife was on the absolute opposite side of this promotion. Of course, she did increase our life insurance policy and posted a profile on eHarmony.com?? weird?*

A few days later I was invited to a perfect mix of sun and fun. My buddy Kyle invited some guys to go play golf in celebration of his upcoming wedding.By the time we finished the thermometer was redlining and we were in need of a tasty beverage and the calming sway of a boat. We gathered the two best things for a day on the boat: our beautiful ladies and a cooler of beer. With our better-halves and women in tow we drove to the dock and loaded up....

wait for it...wait for it...I hear wheels turning: "better-halves are usually women? OH! The beer was the better-half! Daniel, you wordsmith, you!"

We turned the boat towards the cove and hooked up with a fence-like line of boats. After enjoying the heat for long enough we fought back the only way we knew how. WATER!! Unfortunately after all these years none of us have figured out that drinking a natural diuretic (alcohol) and jumping into water doesn't hydrate at all.
Quick test. Find the whitest guy in the water...I love sunscreen!
Quicker test. Find the glasses I'm wearing and take a good look. After 8 years of never losing them, this was the last evidence I have of wearing them. After a water wrestling match (with a surprisingly scrappy lady) the glasses fell into the abyss of Lake Travis. Don't worry, my $1.78 beer survived. I wasn't alone in my tragedy. My aptly named friend, "River" also lost his shades to the carnivorous cove.
loss of said glasses marked the beginning of the end for my weekend. Kyle got a ticket shortly after the picture for not having enough life jackets on the boat, the ticket then flew out of the boat as we were headed in. The next day we took our camera to Best Buy to get swapped out for a more-gently used camera with our ill-named "service plan" and walked away with nothing to show for it (long story, short. service plans are pointless unless you treat them like junk within the first 2 months). I also concluded the day with a speeding ticket (45mph in a 35mph...I thought it was 45. It dropped 10mph an 1/8th of a mile before he stopped me, weird?) This was luckily the 2nd ticket I've received in 2 months after being ticket-free for 3 years.

I chalked it up to weighing out the good with the bad. I wasn't going to let Dudley Do-Right ruin my weekend! I simply smiled, signed the ticket and drove away wearing my back-up pair of sunglasses...the fishing glasses that I bought that can float in water!

Today is a day for confetti, candles and birthday cakes covered in numbers....today is the anniversary of my escape from the womb. For most people this day is a sad day filled with empty congratulations and the realization of time being lost. For me it is a renewal of the promise I made to myself at my 8th birthday party...become a superhero.

I started my day as Clark Kent.I walked into my office and found a confetti explosion on my desk that was masked by a crape paper shell (4 rolls of crate paper). I couldn't even stand next to my desk without being violated multicolored birthday supplies. As my colleagues giggled in delight I calmly walked out of the office and went to mass with my mother-in-law. (this was already planned, so don't think I sulked off to Church to find solace from a birthday prank). It was a welcomed and humbling mass that helped put my last year into perspective.

In the last year I have found a patriot that expresses my morality and character in Ron Paul (I was even able to shake his hand at a book signing and let him know he has forever changed my political life). I found a parish that welcomed me with open arms. Through stress, anxiety and humility I watched as 75% of my colleagues were escorted out of the building, (while I was promoted). I watched my closest friends struggle with cancer and loneliness and other friends be filled with the joy of new life. I mowed the lawn, changed light fixtures and watched too much TV.

I learned how to break 80 in a round of golf and almost broke a lob wedge in the process...hope you enjoyed that River, Chris and Amanda! I finally faced the fact that I won't ever have a tan. My feet won't ever look normal in flip-flops and my navigation skills are getting progressively WORSE, (sorry babe!)

I finished the day feeling like the Superman, the "Man of Steel" himself. sat in the best restaurant in town (Z Tejas) with my mother, father and wife. I sat across from two people who have made it together for 37 years (for better or worse) and laughed at stories that only "Farnum's" could laugh about. The food and drink were brilliant and the company was priceless (thank you). I talked to my sister (and envied her vacation) and drove home while watching the most magnificent sunset I've seen in years...Amarillo By Morning was even running through my head.

I've yet to accept that my 8-year old dream is fruitless. I still think someday I'll be a superhero and I'll fly around the skies in spandex looking for people to help...until then I guess I'll just help dry the dishes, feed the dog and make you laugh.

Pandora's box has been opened and the 21st century has cracked the last stronghold in my house. Today my home went wireless.My office switched me to a laptop and it does me little good to have it without the "white-collar crack" aka= internet access. So I flew to the nearest Best Buy and picked up a wireless box of the future. I would have spelled out the technical term, "router" but there are West Texas readers on the SW(ih) blog and they may have confused it with "ROOTER", as in, "Which rooter dijya tayk tu git here? I tuk hiway semendy nyne!"**

**If you can't read the previous sentence "dawnt wury bowdit"

My wallet was puzzled as I left because it doesn't usually consider Best Buy, HEB and/or any Golf store as a safe haven. It had been trumped by an almost forgotten gift card. I came home and was surprised and encouraged by another new gadget that I forgot had been ordered weeks ago.

I ordered the new gizmo when I was in a green mood. Not the typical save a tree, hug a whale type of "green". It was a hazy and lightheaded green from almost tossing my cookies after seeing the first Texas electricity bill of the summer. I started searching with my local air enforcement company and ran across a thermostat that can be programmed remotely from the internet.

*British accent*

"How much does it cost? $199.99? -- NO! -- $47.99 -- NO! -- It's only 3 easy payments of ZERO!. Even if doesn't cut the costs of heating and cooling at least I know when I'm bored at work and my wife is home during the summer I'll crank it up to 85 degrees and wait for a phone call!

daily wisdom: If you feel nauseous from eating too many cookies you should probably start removing the fortune before swallowing.

What are we hiding from?
We callously run from our office, car and living room in a futile exercise of overcoming the obstacles that perpetuate our never-ending journey to find shelter. Even in death we hide ourselves in a silk-lined box awkwardly covered in a suit or dress that we never enjoyed wearing while we were alive. Now we're stuck in eternity wearing a black rayon suit that doesn't fit in the crotch? In eternity I'll recall being 12 years old in the Dillard's department store being asked by your mother "does it fit OK down there" shaking my head in irony.

Ironically we run to each shelter looking to find news and connection with the very nature we yearn to escape. We watch TV looking to find information about the world we don't care to find ourselves. Our dial screeches across the waves to distract us from the people that are traveling within a 10 feet radius traveling at 74 mph (the magic number above the speed limit on a highway that NO ONE will get pulled over). We scroll across our screen in our offices to find information that is neatly packaged for our convenience. We brake in frustration as we scavenge like our ancestors for food, showing little effort in stretching our arm across our window to receive sustenance.

Our transportation even crudely mocks mother nature with it's "in-car thermostats." We watch with glee as the degree inches up and down outside. We know our smug ingenuity is found in our ability to flick of our thumb and forefinger in any direction to separate us from those humidity soaked ancestral apes. Otherwise known as Europeans.

Don't be confused, my finger nor my peace is green. My car would be the envy of Lewis & Clark and my home is nay the envy of Ed Begley. I use two monitors and my phone is attached to a peripheral ear piece that constantly connects me to thousands of people without a face. My interpretation of nature is usually battery-powered and carries a bag of irons. I am an agent of my own disgust and I too indulge in the so-called proficiency of humanity. I blog, text and e-facilitate my world. I pretend to look away when caught looking at others in cars.

I am a virtual orontholigist of people. Book opened and glasses squared in admiration of the creatures we have become. In a way we are all voyeurs. In childhood we watched our elders teach us how to interact and how to stay silent when necessary. Now it is time to re-learn the lessons of our rearing and find the connection that made us who we are...each other.

"Almost" weekly wisdom: The journey of each person is but a cave, words leaving a faint echo and actions carving them into the walls.